 Egalitarian Marriage Egalitarian marriages can be found among progressive Christians as well as secular society. The strict egalitarian view is that husbands and wives submit to each other in an equal manner, partners mutually supporting one another. Ideally, both husband and wife strive to equally divide every aspect of their responsibilities. That includes earnings and family-related decision making, housework and parenting, spending and saving. None of these roles are to be considered the purview of one gender or the other. Some folks worry that practicing equality means the end of chivalry. In an article, “6 Things Egalitarian Marriage is Not,” Robin Rhine McDonald writes, “[Egalitarianism] means that wives are considered equal partners with their husbands, capable of making decisions, collaborating, and using their God-given talents and gifting. None of this negates the kindness that is extended by holding open a door.” My marriage ... egalitarian? Frankly, I can’t imagine my own marriage, which I’ve always considered to be egalitarian, to operate in this manner. In fact, it would seem that, if partners attempt to follow this strict definition, the results would be confusion and hurt feelings. They might even need a spread sheet to make sure their tasks remain equal! Finances might be an especially difficult area to achieve equality. A recent article by Claire Cain Miller in The New York Times describes a 2017 Pew Research Center survey in which 71 percent of people believe that good husbands should be able to financially support a family. A new study by the Census Bureau showed that when wives earn more, they tend to under-report their earnings and their husbands tend to over-report their earnings. There are a number of other respected studies that show the impact of wives earning more than husbands. Unfortunately, most of them seem to be negative For me, an egalitarian marriage is... For me, an egalitarian marriage is one in which both of us divvy up responsibilities according to our individual strengths. From the outside, my marriage looks pretty traditional. My husband is a semi-retired mathematics teacher and takes care of our finances. I excel in the home arts and enjoy the creative side of cooking. I like creating a garden, but my husband is stronger, so he does the heavy work. Other roles are fluid and depend on the circumstances of the day. We take turns making breakfast, and my husband often helps me with our evening meals. We both iron! In spiritual matters, we’ve been mutually submissive in choosing our place of worship. We enjoy bible study together and learning from each other’s perspective. In our previous small home group, I led a study on spiritual gifts. My husband leads our current group’s study. Who knows? We might change that up again; it depends on the Holy Spirit’s prompting. My personal view... My personal view is that learning about different styles of marriage helps to facilitate a discussion between partners. But putting a label on one’s marriage may be counterproductive. I’ll stick with the goal of being mutually submissive out of love and respect — with God’s help. What about you? What's your marriage style and how is it working? I invite you to share in the Comment section below. Blessings,  Do you have a divorce experience to share? Have you been shamed by a church because of your divorce? There are hurting people who need to hear your story, who need to know they are not alone, and who need to be encouraged. If you are interested in sharing your story, email Linda for guidelines: Linda@LindaMKurth.com AuthorLinda M. Kurth is a writer and a divorced and remarried Christian. In going through the divorce, she experienced a dichotomy of responses from the Christian community. After sharing some of those experiences in her upcoming memoir, God, the Devil, and Divorce, she's heard many stories of divorced Christians who have struggled with the same issues. This blog invites divorced Christians to tell their stories with the goal of encouraging churches to resist condemnation and become a source of healing and grace.
0 Comments
 More and more women, both Christian and non-Christian, are no longer willing to tolerate second-class status in the workplace and in a marriage. The result is that men and women are pivoting away from traditional marriage roles. Egalitarian marriages are growing in the secular world, with many Christians are following suit. Let's take a look a today's Christian marriages. The Patriarchal Marriage This is a traditional marriage and is still espoused by most conservative churches. in which women are not encouraged to use their gifts except when they directly serve the needs and desires of their husbands. Husbands have no imperative to listen to their wives’ views or advice. The wife’s role is to serve her husband, their children, and their church. An Important Factor An important factor among progressive Christians is current biblical scholarship that points to the Apostle Paul’s urging husbands and wives to submit to one another. (Ephesians 5:21). However, the interpretation of “submission” is still, and may ever be, debated. The Complementarian Marriage In complementarian marriages, couples practice mutual submission according to their gender roles. Both men and women have equal value in the marriage, with their roles complementing each other, rather than being the same. The husband takes on the role of spiritual leader of the members of his family and is responsible for their care and well-being. He is the final authority, but understands that this authority does not give him the right to rule. Instead, it gives him the responsibility to serve as leader and helper. The Egalitarian Marriage My next post will explore what an egalitarian marriage looks like, so stay tuned. Blessings,  Do you have a divorce experience to share? Have you been shamed by a church because of your divorce? There are hurting people who need to hear your story, who need to know they are not alone, and who need to be encouraged. If you are interested in sharing your story, email Linda for guidelines: Linda@LindaMKurth.com AuthorLinda M. Kurth is a writer and a divorced and remarried Christian. In going through the divorce, she experienced a dichotomy of responses from the Christian community. After sharing some of those experiences in her upcoming memoir, God, the Devil, and Divorce, she's heard many stories of divorced Christians who have struggled with the same issues. This blog invites divorced Christians to tell their stories with the goal of encouraging churches to resist condemnation and become a source of healing and grace.  The parallel between the abuse of women by men in power in the secular world and the abuse of women by men in power in the Christian world is no coincidence. In a previous blog post, I used as examples Harvey Weinstein, disgraced film producer, who prompted the #MeToo movement, and Paige Patterson, disgraced ex-president of Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary whose behavior prompted the #ChurchToo movement. The correlation is no accident! I’ve explored how traditional translations of the bible were heavily influenced by society’s view of the roles of women and men. The sad truth is that the teachings of Jesus and the apostle Paul concerning women, and other low-status peoples, have been skewed by these translations to mean quite the opposite … women as second class citizens who are not due equal respect and benefits. Biblical verses have been used for generations to back up this view. Women were considered by society, including many Christians, to be at the service of men. From the beginning, Eve desired her husband, Adam, and he ruled over her. The apostle Paul is quoted as saying, “Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.” Both have been used through the ages to support the notion of men’s superiority and have become examples of biblical patriarchy. You might wonder how divorce fits into this dynamic. Traditionally, and in many conservative churches today, divorce has been considered an unpardonable sin. I won’t get into verses about divorce here. Suffice it to say that traditional translations can be, and often are, interpreted as divorce being forbidden except in the case of adultery by the offending spouse. Some conservatives even find that an insufficient reason to divorce. There was no attempt by these leaders to look further into biblical meaning and context of these verses. Why would they? If women were allowed to have an equal status in the church and in their marriages, male power would be threatened. Church leaders claimed the right to treat women in just about any way they chose. Following the example of church leaders, husbands were also given free rein to “lord it over” their wives. It seems clear to me that disallowing “divorce” from spiritually abusive churches, and actual divorce from physically and emotionally abusive marriages, kept the patriarchal church functioning. Once women would be free, as equal human beings to leave the abuse, the traditional church would come tumbling down. Traditional marriages would change, too. We see that dynamic happening today. The question, now, is what can we learn from the Jesus' teachings to form spiritually healthy churches and marriages. Stay tuned. Blessings,  Do you have a divorce experience to share? Have you been shamed by a church because of your divorce? There are hurting people who need to hear your story, who need to know they are not alone, and who need to be encouraged. If you are interested in sharing your story, email Linda for guidelines: Linda@LindaMKurth.com AuthorLinda M. Kurth is a writer and a divorced and remarried Christian. In going through the divorce, she experienced a dichotomy of responses from the Christian community. After sharing some of those experiences in her upcoming memoir, God, the Devil, and Divorce, she's heard many stories of divorced Christians who have struggled with the same issues. This blog invites divorced Christians to tell their stories with the goal of encouraging churches to resist condemnation and become a source of healing and grace.  In the past, bible scholarship and interpretation was heavily influenced by the surrounding culture. Eventually, some might even say "glacially," a push to understand the scriptures through scholarly research grew during the nineteenth century. Today, “there may be a general consensus that scholarship should always proceed objectively, not depending on faith (or anti-faith) commitments, but absolute objectivity is simply impossible. At best, scholars debate their conflicting interpretations and help keep each other honest.” (James D. Ernest, "How Has New Testament Scholarship Changed over Time?") Several years ago, I became aware of an influential group of men and women evangelicals, “disturbed by the shallow biblical premise used by churches, organizations, and mission groups to exclude the gifts of women.” They organized in 1987 as Christians for Biblical Equality (CBE). Their statement, "Men, Women, and Biblical Equality," laid out the biblical rationale for equality as well as its application in the community of believers and the family. I became a member of CBE, and appreciate how it reviews and promotes resources on gender and the Bible from an egalitarian perspective. More traditional churches and individuals tend to cling to their view of the superiority of men. The #ChurchToo movement has recently brought a spotlight on the damage this dynamic can cause. When I chose to divorce my previous husband, I experienced patriarchal attitudes and condemnation from certain conservative Christians that left me reeling. Since then, I’ve discovered such books as Divorce and Remarriage in the Church, What Paul REALLY Said About Women, Discovering Biblical Equality, and Jesus Feminist. Other organizations and scholars continue to contribute to the evolution of understanding the bible in egalitarian terms. Bible scholar Margaret Mowczko writes in her May 24, 2018, blog post, Gender Roles & Gendered Activities in the Old Testament, “Though patriarchy is the backdrop of the Bible, it is not the message of the Bible. … There is no teaching or rule that says men must do certain jobs and women must do other jobs, apart from the priesthood which was open to an exclusive group of men. Any indication of gendered activity, excepting the priesthood, appears to be the product of biology and culture rather than bionically mandated.” I can imagine Cady Elizabeth Stanton and the twenty-six women who contributed to the Women’s Bible, upon hearing those words, shouting from their graves, “Hallelujah! Amen! There are a number of Protestant churches these days that have been influenced by these studies and become more egalitarian. However, there is more progress to be made. Personally, I belong to a very open non-denominational church. We have some women in leadership, but, unfortunately, we do not have any women pastors. There are a few of us who are working to change that. What is that saying … ? Oh, yes, “A woman’s work is never done.”
Do you have a favorite study resource on this topic? Please share in the comments below. Next week’s post, Why Divorce Was Declared an Unforgivable Sin. Instone-Brewer, David. Divorce and Remarriage in the Church: Biblical Solutions for Pastoral Realities, Downers Grove: IVP Books, 2007 Bristow, John Temple, What Paul Really Said About Women, Harper Collins, 1988 Pierce, Ronald W. ed., Groothuis, Rebecca Merrill ed., Discovering Biblical Equality: Complementarity without Hierarchy, IVP Academic 2005  I've been exploring the correlation between society and the church regarding women's perceived roles over time. Before the first women’s movement, the secular worlds had influenced churches’ patriarchal biblical interpretation of female roles and worth (see my previous post). The women’s suffrage and abolition movements led to the breaking away from patriarchal tradition by a significant number of women and a number of men too. The women who led the suffrage movement in the mid 1800’s were not of one mind when it came to religion and the bible. Many left traditional religion for the Quaker faith, and others for spiritualism. Still others, with their new-found confidence and inspired by strong women in the bible, remained in the Christian church, working for women’s rights, abolition, temperance, and compassion for the less fortunate. Regardless of faith affiliations, experience in working in these movements empowered women to think for themselves and to speak out. The 19th amendment which guaranteed women’s right to vote finally passed in 1920, and the secular world began to change toward a more egalitarian view. Gloria Steinem, Betty Friedan, Shirley Chisholm, and Bella Abzug, spearheaded the second women’s movement in the 1960s and ’70s which touched on every area of women’s family, sexuality, and work. They felt little need to discuss biblical views of women. They felt little need to discuss biblical views of women. Their efforts moved society somewhat closer to egalitarianism, but not as far as they had hoped, and the Equal Rights Amendment has yet to be adopted. As society’s attitude toward women began to change, so too did some Protestant churches, as they began to accept women as equally gifted. We'll get to that in next week's post Blessings,  Do you have a divorce experience to share? Have you been shamed by a church because of your divorce? There are hurting people who need to hear your story, who need to know they are not alone, and who need to be encouraged. If you are interested in sharing your story, email Linda for guidelines: Linda@LindaMKurth.com AuthorLinda M. Kurth is a writer and a divorced and remarried Christian. In going through the divorce, she experienced a dichotomy of responses from the Christian community. After sharing some of those experiences in her upcoming memoir, God, the Devil, and Divorce, she's heard many stories of divorced Christians who have struggled with the same issues. This blog invites divorced Christians to tell their stories with the goal of encouraging churches to resist condemnation and become a source of healing and grace.  Elizabeth Cady Stanton When I recently visited the Library of Congress, I was surprised to discover that Elizabeth Cady Stanton, American suffragist, social activist, abolitionist, and leading figure of the early women's rights movement, spearheaded the writing of the Women’s Bible in 1895. Stanton, with a committee of 26 women, sought to challenge traditional religious beliefs that women should be subservient to men. Unfortunately, Bible scholars were aware of the controversy the project would engender and refused to participate. Stanton’s Bible was declared by clergy to be “Satan’s work,” (not surprising) and was snubbed by the women’s suffragette movement (perhaps surprising). Her works inspired the writings of many 20th-century feminists, My discovery led me to wonder about the synergy between the women’s movement in the mid-eighteen hundreds and bible interpretations of the time. Stanton was not alone in questioning traditional biblical understanding. Lucretia Mott, a Quaker social reformer preceded Stanton in her work for women’s equality. In 1849 she published Discourse on Woman, highlighting women in the bible and arguing that their examples proved women’s right to express their spiritual beliefs. She’s quoted as saying, "It is not Christianity, but priestcraft that has subjected woman as we find her. The Church and State have been united, and it is well for us to see it so." Lucy Stone, a lecturer and writer, also worked for women's suffrage in the mid 1800’s. She studied Greek and Latin to better understand biblical passages she believed had been miss-translated against women. She is believed to be the first married woman in the United States to have kept her maiden name and to publicly declare, with her husband, to have an egalitarian marriage. I do not agree with everything these women espoused... I do not agree with everything these women espoused, but nevertheless, I find their courage to think for themselves and to publicly express their ideas, inspiring. My next post will explore more contemporary Christians in the women’s movement. Note: Most of my information came from Wikipedia backed by other sources. Blessings,  Do you have a divorce experience to share? Have you been shamed by a church because of your divorce? There are hurting people who need to hear your story, who need to know they are not alone, and who need to be encouraged. If you are interested in sharing your story, email Linda for guidelines: Linda@LindaMKurth.com AuthorLinda M. Kurth is a writer and a divorced and remarried Christian. In going through the divorce, she experienced a dichotomy of responses from the Christian community. After sharing some of those experiences in her upcoming memoir, God, the Devil, and Divorce, she's heard many stories of divorced Christians who have struggled with the same issues. This blog invites divorced Christians to tell their stories with the goal of encouraging churches to resist condemnation and become a source of healing and grace.  Sexual assault by men in power is a hot-button subject these days. I’ve been following several of these cases, trying to understand how they relate to abusive Christian marriages. When Paige Patterson, recently disgraced ex- president of Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary and a prominent leader in the Southern Baptist Convention (SBC), advised women to stay in abusive marriages to help “save” their husbands, he unwittingly revealed to the world the systemic misogyny of a large number of Christian churches. It would seem that much of the Church has the very same problem toward women as the secular world. Perhaps we Christians are not all that different from un-churched folk. Perhaps we Christians are not all that different from un-churched folk. In his book, What Paul Really Said about Women*, John Temple Bristow describes the ancient world’s view of women. “The philosophers of Athens … bequeathed to the world a double indictment against womanhood. From the classic period, especially in the teachings of Aristotle, came the conviction that women are inferior to men … women are to be commanded by men and used for the pleasure of men.” The Stoic philosophers believed that “women are a distraction and temptation to men. Therefore, women are to be avoided by men who would thereby be free to pursue those qualities that make men superior.” Wow! Does that sound familiar? Men like Harvey Weinstein could never have vocalized those beliefs with impunity. But his actions tell us that, at some level, he holds a similar philosophy. Faith leaders like Patterson, on the other hand, have cherry-picked the bible to declare, in more overt ways, this ancient secular philosophy of women’s service to men. How can that be? The Apostle Paul declared, “You are all sons [people] of God through faith in Christ Jesus, for all you who were baptized in Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are one in Christ Jesus.” (Galatians 3:20-28) There's the rub. Ah, there’s the rub, as Shakespeare was wont to say. According to long-revered translations of the bible, Paul perhaps also indicated that women ought to be under the authority of their husbands. However, Bristow points out that the translators of these versions were heavily influenced by the traditional view of women being of lesser intellect and value than men. This misinterpretation is why Patterson and his ilk have been able to get away with his type of spiritual abuse for so long. Fortunately, we have scholars today who are able to study the true meaning of the scriptures and are giving us new insights in what the bible says about women, and men too. Stay tuned for Part 2 of this discussion. Blessings,  *What Paul Really Said about Women: An Apostle's Liberating Views on Equality in Marriage, Leadership, and Love, 1988, Harper-Collins Do you have a divorce experience to share? Have you been shamed by a church because of your divorce? There are hurting people who need to hear your story, who need to know they are not alone, and who need to be encouraged. If you are interested in sharing your story, email Linda for guidelines: Linda@LindaMKurth.com AuthorLinda M. Kurth is a writer and a divorced and remarried Christian. In going through the divorce, she experienced a dichotomy of responses from the Christian community. After sharing some of those experiences in her upcoming memoir, God, the Devil, and Divorce, she's heard many stories of divorced Christians who have struggled with the same issues. This blog invites divorced Christians to tell their stories with the goal of encouraging churches to resist condemnation and become a source of healing and grace.  I almost wished my husband would have an affair. Then, it would have been okay, biblically speaking, to clearly identify what was wrong and be given permission to leave. After years of counseling, my marriage was obviously coming to an end. There had been no physical abuse and no physical unfaithfulness. Yet, I felt I had to leave to save my sanity. Our counselor refused to talk about divorce, even though she declared Satan was influencing my husband. Our counselor refused to talk about divorce. She quoted Matthew 19: 9, in which Jesus said, “I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery.” I thought a great deal about “unfaithfulness” during that time. It seemed to me that neglect, put-downs, and other negative behaviors could be considered unfaithful. Recently, I read an article by Joel Cade, “Reconciling My Christian Faith and Divorce” that caused me to revisit my reasoning back then. In the article, Cade explains that, in these modern times, the focus is on being unfaithful sexually. In these modern times, the focus is on being unfaithful sexually. However, Christian marriage encompasses much more than that. “It’s about being faithful to one partner with your love, with your honor, with your comfort and keeping those emotional bonds strong only with one partner,” Cade writes. He concludes that, when people share these things with someone outside the marriage, “they are no longer keeping the covenant. They are unfaithful to the marriage covenant.” In emphasizing the sexual aspect of marriage, the kind of relationship Cade calls, “Entertainment Marriage,” we tend to pass over the bedrock of a true marriage union. If we take Cade's reasoning one step further, we can conclude that sexual unfaithfulness is only one sign of broken marriage vows. Hindsight is always best, and it would have been good if I’d had the ability to express my thinking to my counselor as cogently as Cade does, although I suspect he likely benefited from hindsight as well. If you are a Christian and going through the heartbreak of divorce, my prayer is that you may gain some insight, and maybe even comfort, from this discussion. Blessings,  Do you have a divorce experience to share? Have you been shamed by a church because of your divorce? There are hurting people who need to hear your story, who need to know they are not alone, and who need to be encouraged. If you are interested in sharing your story, email Linda for guidelines: Linda@LindaMKurth.com AuthorLinda M. Kurth is a writer and a divorced and remarried Christian. In going through the divorce, she experienced a dichotomy of responses from the Christian community. After sharing some of those experiences in her upcoming memoir, God, the Devil, and Divorce, she's heard many stories of divorced Christians who have struggled with the same issues. This blog invites divorced Christians to tell their stories with the goal of encouraging churches to resist condemnation and become a source of healing and grace.  I was naïve when I first began addressing the un-Christ-like treatment of divorced Christians within certain churches. I believed that the misinterpretation of the bible about marriage and divorce was at the root of the problem. Oh, yes, I knew there were certain churches where men treated their “sisters” as less than, but I neither understood how widespread was the problem or where it came from, hoping that the Church was evolving into a more enlightened institution. Now, on the heels of the #MeToo movement, #ChurchToo is fast becoming a much talked about and controversial subject among conservative Christians and their churches. What has come to light is a much deeper, pre-Christian attitude toward women as needing to be under the authority of men. What do I mean by “pre-Christian? John Temple Bristown, in his book, What Paul Really Said About Women (Harper, 1988) wrote, “In reality, the words that Paul chose to use imply different ideas from those conveyed by the English words we use to translate his writings. In fact, our English words imply ideas that [the apostle] Paul deliberately avoided!” How could this be? In subsequent posts, I’ll share more of Bristow’s thinking about how and why bible translators misinterpreted Paul’s words. And we’ll explore how the Church’s patriarchal attitudes have led to the egregious behaviors of too many of its leaders which are now being revealed. Blessings,  Do you have a divorce experience to share? Have you been shamed by a church because of your divorce? There are hurting people who need to hear your story, who need to know they are not alone, and who need to be encouraged. If you are interested in sharing your story, email Linda for guidelines: Linda@LindaMKurth.com AuthorLinda M. Kurth is a writer and a divorced and remarried Christian. In going through the divorce, she experienced a dichotomy of responses from the Christian community. After sharing some of those experiences in her upcoming memoir, God, the Devil, and Divorce, she's heard many stories of divorced Christians who have struggled with the same issues. This blog invites divorced Christians to tell their stories with the goal of encouraging churches to resist condemnation and become a source of healing and grace.  I feel a major shift coming in the treatment of women within the Christian church. I shout, "Hallelujah!" This feels like the Christian women's version of the "Me Too" movement. Women are speaking up about the Spiritual Abuse they've received in the Church, saying "Enough!" and claiming their rightful place within a church of love and grace. Last week, the Washington Post published an article: Southern Baptist leader pushes back after comments leak urging abused women to pray and avoid divorce, based on an audio tape in which Paige Patterson, currently the president of Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary and a prominent leader in the Southern Baptist Convention (SBC), urged counseling women to remain in abusive marriages. Patterson continues to believe that women should endure abuse because, if they stay and suffer, they may be able to help their husbands become better people. Thousands of Southern Baptist women responded by signing an open letter, expressing their concerns with Patterson's views toward women and marriage. Christian author Beth Moore realized it was time for her to speak up, too. She wrote a letter to her Christian brothers describing what it has been like for her to be a woman minister and speaker in the male-dominated evangelical world. She wrote, "I’m asking for your increased awareness of some of the skewed attitudes many of your sisters encounter. Many churches quick to teach submission are often slow to point out that women were also among the followers of Christ (Luke 8), that the first recorded word out of His resurrected mouth was 'woman' (John 20:15), and that same woman was the first evangelist." She continued. "I’m asking that you would simply have no tolerance for misogyny and dismissiveness toward women in your spheres of influence. I’m asking for your deliberate and clearly conveyed influence toward the imitation of Christ in His attitude and actions toward women." In a September blog post of last year, Divorce Support or Condemnation?, I wrote, "I had not intended to make my mission of exposing Pharisaical behavior in the church toward divorced Christians a gender issue. But, after a conversation with a divorced Christian friend yesterday, my eyes have been opened; I believe it often is." I mentioned an earlier guest blog post, Liberation from the Patriarchal Church, as evidence. In the writer's situation, she chose to divorce because of physical and emotional abuse. Yet, she was blamed by the church leaders and others for her husband's behavior. Somehow she hadn't been a "good Christian wife" in their eyes. Anyone with "eyes to see and ears to hear" and a knowledge of the love of Christ ought to know this kind of misogynous behavior has no place in our Lord's church. My next blog post will explore the origin of this harmful and systemic practice. Blessings,  Do you have a divorce experience to share? Have you been shamed by a church because of your divorce? There are hurting people who need to hear your story, who need to know they are not alone, and who need to be encouraged. If you are interested in sharing your story, email Linda for guidelines: Linda@LindaMKurth.com AuthorLinda M. Kurth is a writer and a divorced and remarried Christian. In going through the divorce, she experienced a dichotomy of responses from the Christian community. After sharing some of those experiences in her upcoming memoir, God, the Devil, and Divorce, she's heard many stories of divorced Christians who have struggled with the same issues. This blog invites divorced Christians to tell their stories with the goal of encouraging churches to resist condemnation and become a source of healing and grace. |
|
RSS Feed