Help and Healing for Divorced Christians
Recovering from Divorce?
Get Linda’s 12 Steps for a More Joyful Life after Divorce.
Recovering from Divorce?
Get Linda’s 12 Steps for a More Joyful Life after Divorce.
![]() Going through a divorce can be a lonely experience, especially if no one in your circle of friends has been through it herself or is giving you bad advice. The good news for you is that we're here to help. Three of us have been through divorce and come out stronger and happier on the other side. Our fourth author is a counselor and expert on loss. She's learned to be content living alone after being widowed. We’re eager to share our experiences and expertise to help you survive and flourish too. Here's who we are and how our books can possibly help you. ![]()
Relationship Solutions: Effective Strategies to Heal Your Heart and Create the Happiness You Deserve (The Sister's Guides to Empowered Living Book 3) Sonia’s book is a clear-eyed look at what holds a marriage together and what tears it apart. Sonia’s writing is both practical and lively, coming across as a dear friend who desires the best for her reader. I chuckled over many of her self-directed questions: “Are you just getting a taste of the good stuff? Or is it the main course? Do you feel like you’re served a 3-shrimp cocktail followed by a huge mound of box mashed potatoes?” Her questions in the “Reflections” section are more serious and probing, revealing the her attorney side. As a divorced woman of faith, I especially appreciated her advice. “Do not give up on your faith because your decision to divorce is incompatible with dogma.” Sonia’s book covers all the concerns I had before, during, and after my divorce. If I’d her book back then, I’m sure making the decisions I had to make would have been easier. ![]()
Taming the Dragons: Choices for Women in Conflict and Pain Dealing with huge personal problems such as divorce demands us to draw on all the courage and faith we can muster. Brenda draws on examples of overcomers from mythology, fairy tales, history, the Bible, and personal experiences. She shows readers there is always something a woman can do to change her circumstances for the better, no matter how small that change may be. Reading her book opened my eyes to ways little, creative actions can ultimately pave the way for big positive changes. Each chapter ends with “Something to Think About” that includes relevant Bible verses and questions about how you can apply the chapter’s theme to your own life. A unique, entertaining, and encouraging book for all women. ![]() Marlene Anderson: Marlene is a licensed therapist who shares her training, love of God and life experiences through writing and speaking engagements. She is passionate about sharing God’s great love and transforming power and helping every woman discover her potential. Marlene encourages and motivates others who are going through tough times.
Learning to Live Again in a New World: A Journey from Loss to New Life In her book, Marlene addresses four stages of grieve and provides suggestions on how to deal with each one. Her compassion shines through, having experienced a tragic loss herself. As a licensed therapist, her prescriptions for recovery are clear and practical. The two appendixes offer additional information on working through difficult grief emotions and offering and receiving support. There is a study guide at the end of the book that can be used in group settings. Having gone through a divorce and the grief that followed myself, I gladly recommend this book to people struggling to recover from divorce. ![]() Linda M. Kurth: I write memoir, romance, and non-fiction for adults. For children, I write fantasy and non-fiction. Deciding to divorce my crazymaking husband was the most difficult decision I ever had to make. Condemnation from conservative Christian acquaintances piled on the heartbreak. I wrote this memoir to help other Christian women who are going through divorce.
God, the Devil, and Divorce: A Transformative Journey out of Emotional and Spiritual Abuse After more than 20 years of marriage, Linda is shaken when her pastor/counselor suggests her husband is a “crazymaker.” This news opens her eyes to the emotional abuse that has been going on for years. After a heartbreaking move, she brings up the subject of divorce with a new counselor. “If you divorce, Satan wins!” the counselor tells her. Linda questions this statement and intensifies her quest to understand God’s will. She ultimately determines He loves her more than the institution of marriage. Trusting Him, she risks an unknown future when she decides to divorce. Her journey of recovery is inspiring. Each one of these books has a wealth of information and inspiration. Discover what speaks to you best and go for it! We're rooting for you!
Blessings,
4 Comments
I receive letters from newly divorced readers of my blog worried that they might never find true love. I tell them I understand their fears. I’ve been where they are now. Back then I’d dreamt of a third chance at love and a satisfying marriage. But what were the odds of me finding someone at my age? “God doesn’t operate by numbers and percentages,” a friend reminded me as I worked on recovering from the demise of my twenty-five-year marriage — the one that was supposed to last the rest of my life. Here I was, 55 years old and trying to figure out my life. I knew I needed healing and self-discovery before considering dating again. I knew I needed healing and self-discovery before considering dating again. After going through counseling and “graduating” from several months of a divorce recovery class, I decided to branch out in new ways, including ballroom dancing. I began taking lessons and had the first genuine laugh I’d experienced since the divorce. I discovered I had a natural talent in that area, and it became a vehicle for interacting with men in a safe environment. I made new friends through a singles group at church, and I purchased my own home.I decided to build a career for myself and went back to school. It had been years since I’d pursued academics, and those first classes were a challenge. Conquering them, though, increased my self-confidence. When I felt ready to date, it was simply for male companionship. I made a vow to remain celibate until the right man came along and we married even though that meant I might be celibate for the rest of my life. Most dates weren’t too happy that I wasn’t into having sex with them, but this decision protected me from making choices based solely on emotion and physical attraction. As I became more serious about finding someone special, I wrote down thirty — THIRTY! — characteristics in a man I’d want as a husband. I told the Lord I was in no hurry, and please, “don’t give me any substitutes.” Then, one evening, I met a guy who seemed nice enough, although his dancing skills weren’t up to my level. He soon fixed that by taking lessons. We talked frankly about ourselves and our beliefs, and I made him take personality tests! After earning the seal of approval from our church counselors, we were married six months later. He is the love of my life. My recovery took time and had its setbacks. My recovery took time and had its setbacks, but I made progress. To sum up, here are the actions and decisions I made that brought me to my current state of “married bliss.”
Writing about our courtship was my favorite piece of completing my memoir, God, the Devil, and Divorce. If you’re wondering if you’ll ever find love again, I hope that by knowing my journey, you might be encouraged. Blessings, AuthorLinda M. Kurth is a writer and a divorced and remarried Christian. She is the author of the newly released eBook, God, the Devil, and Divorce: A Transformative Journey out of Emotional and Physical Abuse, available in paperback, March 2, 2021. Do you have a divorce experience to share? Have you been shamed by a church because of your divorce? There are hurting people who need to hear your story, who need to know they are not alone, and who need to be encouraged. If you are interested in sharing your story, email Linda for guidelines: Linda@LindaMKurth.com ![]() My ex was suddenly in the room. “Let's pause the movie and make some popcorn,” he said, suggesting something we’d habitually done during our twenty-five-year marriage. I collapsed in a torrent of tears, knowing he couldn’t be real. We’d been divorced for three months, and he’d moved away. When I discovered he'd secretly remarried, I'd gone into shock. His apparition that evening was a sign of my struggle to deal with all that was happening to me. What I didn’t understand was that I was experiencing divorce trauma. Psychological trauma is damage to the mind that occurs as a result of a distressing event. Trauma is often the result of an overwhelming amount of stress that exceeds one's ability to cope, or integrate the emotions involved with that experience. Wikipedia The divorce and shock of discovering my ex-husband's duplicity brought up big, soul-wrenching questions: Who was I? Would I ever feel whole again? Would I ever find love again? Then there were the more practical questions: Where would I live? What kind of lifestyle would my new financial situation provide? Would I have to find a job? Where would I find a church and local friends? (We had recently moved.) It seemed as if my entire future was a huge question mark, compromising my ability to cope. Trauma can be manifested in several waysTrauma can be manifested in several ways depending on the precise circumstances combined with the personality of the person experiencing it. If you’ve been divorced, you may recognize some of the symptoms on this partial list.
In the aftermath of my divorce, I experienced several of the above (which I describe in my up-coming memoir). The good news is that my craziness after the trauma was typical and temporary. It was a phase, and phases pass. I couldn’t have articulated that truth at the time, but deep down, I understood it and was able to move forward. Some ways you can |
Thanks, Linda. Yes, we often think of losses as something we quickly address and then move on with life as usual. But the more significant the loss, the more the impact it has on every area of our life: social, financial, personal, family, friendships, and our past as well as our future. There are many layers connected to our losses that require time to process adequately. A significant loss can trigger old losses from our childhood, and we feel those emotions all over again. Relationships within social circles begin to change. Conflicts with family or others may require intercession as we come to terms with difficult situations surrounding our loss. |
You mention social circles changing. I know this is common after a divorce. That was true for me, as I had recently moved. I needed new single friends, but more basic than that, I needed to answer many questions about what my life would ultimately look like. It took a lot of effort to define and shape my new reality. |
With all endings, a transition is needed to leave one reality behind as we move to a new beginning. As we pick up the pieces of our life, questions bombard us about how and where to go from here. “What do I do now,” and “Will I ever be happy again?” We can experience a multitude of emotions and conflicting thoughts: shock, anger, fear, anxiety, relief, shame, guilt, etc. In that process, reflection is required, goals need redefining, and we need to answer the question, who am I now? I knew who I was yesterday, but who am I today? |
Divorce is a significant loss – it is a death of a marriage that was important. It takes time to process any loss and it is important to grant ourselves that time. We can use that time more effectively when we come to terms with the unpleasant things associated with it. That can be more difficult because after a certain length of time, friends and family assume we have healed. They resume their lives, and we find ourselves alone, struggling to put the pieces back together. We begin to lose confidence and doubt ourselves and our abilities to make a new positive start. Age and circumstances can require a greater effort in restructuring our lives. Trying to find a “new” normal takes time and we might hurry through some important decision considerations. |
During my divorce recovery, I had the opportunity to learn from other newly divorced singles about their recovery process. It seems that some people hide away and don’t want to talk about what they’re going through. I’m rather embarrassed to admit that I couldn’t stop talking about it! You are in uncharted territory |
Feedback from supportive friends and licensed professionals is important. We need validation for the turmoil of thoughts and emotions we experience. We need to find ways to get conflicting thoughts out of our heads so we can work more constructively with them. You are in uncharted territory. You have never been here before. Support is critical and sharing with others in a safe group, can be healing. In my book, I offer additional information about working through the more complex emotions of anger, shame and guilt in Appendix A of my book. |
You're right, I have. Grieving a loss is more than just acceptance and letting go. It is about building a new reality within all areas of our life. We need information that can both help us understand and work with what we are experiencing, and the tools to create a new satisfying and meaningful beginning. Moving through that transition from ending to new life requires careful thought and personal clarification. As I moved from personal grieving after the death of my husband to acquiring more knowledge about grief and loss through continuing education courses, I began working with clients, individually and in group sessions. I soon realized that people wanted and needed more than just talking about their sorrow. And while there were many books available that spoke to those early days of sorrow, it seemed little information was offered to help grievers create a new road map moving forward. I began creating worksheets that addressed some of those conflicts and concerns. And this became the genesis for my current book. |
Linda M. Kurth is a writer and a divorced and remarried Christian. In going through the divorce, she experienced a dichotomy of responses from the Christian community. After sharing some of those experiences in her upcoming memoir, God, the Devil, and Divorce, she's heard many stories of divorced Christians who have struggled with the same issues. This blog invites divorced Christians to tell their stories with the goal of encouraging churches to resist condemnation and become a source of healing and grace.
Do you have a divorce experience to share? Have you been shamed by a church because of your divorce? Or encouraged? There are hurting people who would like to hear your story, who need to know they are not alone, and who need to be encouraged. If you are interested in sharing your story, email Linda for guidelines: Linda@LindaMKurth.com
Linda M. Kurth is a writer and a divorced and remarried Christian. In going through the divorce, she experienced a dichotomy of responses from the Christian community. After sharing some of those experiences in her upcoming memoir, God, the Devil, and Divorce, she's heard many stories of divorced Christians who have struggled with the same issues. Linda advocates for the healing of divorce Christians, She invites them to tell their stories with the goal of encouraging churches to resist condemnation of divorced people and become a source of healing and grace.
Do you have a divorce experience to share? Have you been shamed by a church because of your divorce? Or encouraged? There are hurting people who would like to hear your story, who need to know they are not alone, and who need to be encouraged. If you are interested in sharing your story, email Linda for guidelines: Linda@LindaMKurth.com
Linda M. Kurth is a writer and a divorced and remarried Christian. In going through the divorce, she experienced a dichotomy of responses from the Christian community. After sharing some of those experiences in her upcoming memoir, God, the Devil, and Divorce, she's heard many stories of divorced Christians who have struggled with the same issues. This blog invites divorced Christians to tell their stories with the goal of encouraging churches to resist condemnation and become a source of healing and grace.
Do you have a divorce experience to share? Have you been shamed by a church because of your divorce? Or encouraged? There are hurting people who would like to hear your story, who need to know they are not alone, and who need to be encouraged. If you are interested in sharing your story, email Linda for guidelines: Linda@LindaMKurth.com
Linda M. Kurth is a writer and a divorced and remarried Christian. In going through the divorce, she experienced a dichotomy of responses from the Christian community. After sharing some of those experiences in her upcoming memoir, God, the Devil, and Divorce, she's heard many stories of divorced Christians who have struggled with the same issues. This blog invites divorced Christians to tell their stories with the goal of encouraging churches to resist condemnation and become a source of healing and grace.
Do you have a divorce experience to share? Have you been shamed by a church because of your divorce? Or encouraged? There are hurting people who would like to hear your story, who need to know they are not alone, and who need to be encouraged. If you are interested in sharing your story, email Linda for guidelines: Linda@LindaMKurth.com
Linda M. Kurth is a writer and a divorced and remarried Christian. In going through the divorce, she experienced a dichotomy of responses from the Christian community. After sharing some of those experiences in her upcoming memoir, God, the Devil, and Divorce, she's heard many stories of divorced Christians who have struggled with the same issues. This blog invites divorced Christians to tell their stories with the goal of encouraging churches to resist condemnation and become a source of healing and grace.
Do you have a divorce experience to share? Have you been shamed by a church because of your divorce? Or encouraged? There are hurting people who would like to hear your story, who need to know they are not alone, and who need to be encouraged. If you are interested in sharing your story, email Linda for guidelines: Linda@LindaMKurth.com
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Blended Families
Christian Marriage
Divorce And Faith
Divorce And Kids
Divorce Decision
Divorce Recovery
Divorce & The Church
Domestic Abuse
Forgiveness
Holidays And Divorce
Memoir
Spiritual Abuse
The Bible And Women
Divorce and Remarriage | Andrew Farley
Is Divorce the unforgivable sin? | Andrew Farley
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