 I'm super excited to receive the final version of my memoir's book cover. I hope you like it! Here's a brief description of my story: Deciding to divorce her crazymaking husband is the most difficult decision Linda has ever had to make. Condemnation from conservative Christian acquaintances piles on the heartbreak. In her pain and confusion, she turns to God, trusting in Him. He delivers in ways she could not have imagined. Available March 2021. Blessings,  Do you have a divorce experience to share? Have you been shamed by a church because of your divorce? There are hurting people who need to hear your story, who need to know they are not alone, and who need to be encouraged. If you are interested in sharing your story, email Linda for guidelines: Linda@LindaMKurth.com AuthorLinda M. Kurth is a writer and a divorced and remarried Christian. In going through the divorce, she experienced a dichotomy of responses from the Christian community. After sharing some of those experiences in her upcoming memoir, God, the Devil, and Divorce, she's heard many stories of divorced Christians who have struggled with the same issues. This blog invites divorced Christians to tell their stories with the goal of encouraging churches to resist condemnation and become a source of healing and grace.
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Between admiring my brother’s new home in Central Oregon, taking a couple of hikes, sharing meals, and catching up with the news of each other’s kids, we reminisced about our childhood. My brother and I had good parents who loved us deeply, and we’d returned that love. However, all was not harmonious between me and my dad. I had an independent spirit, and often bristled when Dad tried to tell me how I should do things. “I can do it myself!” was my ready retort. I intuitively felt his “helping” meant I wasn’t capable, but I didn't have the language to understand or articulate the problem. Dad had difficulty dealing with my attitude. Dad had difficulty dealing with my attitude. My brother didn’t seem to have the same issue as I, and I saw that as a sign I was deficient. I was surprised when my brother brought up the subject of Dad’s “helpfulness” during my visit. “Dad got under my skin too,” he told me. He described a particular time he’d rather heatedly asked our father to back off with his advice. Dad’s feelings were hurt because he genuinely believed he’d been helping. I’m giving my younger self a hug and a “you-go-girl” for my desire to learn and grow in my own way. Learning, after all these years, I was not alone in my “sensitivity” to Dad’s suggestions, was an eye-opener. I see now I’ve always had an innate sense of independence that might have served me better if I’d been taught to understand and use it effectively. Thanks to this new perspective, I’m giving my younger self a hug and a “you-go-girl” for my desire to learn and grow in my own way. The genealogical sleuthing paid off. The genealogical sleuthing paid off too. My cousins and I were able to find and drive through the parcel where our Oregon Trail ancestors had settled. Learning about the people I’ve come from gives me a solid feeling of belonging. There’s more to tell, but I think I’ll stop here. I want to get back to finishing up the memoir and getting it published. By the way, I’ve recently published the revised version of my romance, Home of the Heart. Finding the home of one’s heart is pretty much the theme of everything I write. I suspect that’s what most of us long for. I hope you’ve found yours. Blessings,  AuthorLinda M. Kurth is a writer and a divorced and remarried Christian. In going through the divorce, she experienced a dichotomy of responses from the Christian community. After sharing some of those experiences in her upcoming memoir, God, the Devil, and Divorce, she's heard many stories of divorced Christians who have struggled with the same issues. This blog invites divorced Christians to tell their stories with the goal of encouraging churches to resist condemnation and become a source of healing and grace. Do you have a divorce experience to share? Have you been shamed by a church because of your divorce? Or encouraged? There are hurting people who would like to hear your story, who need to know they are not alone, and who need to be encouraged. If you are interested in sharing your story, email Linda for guidelines: Linda@LindaMKurth.com  Anne LaMott, in Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life, tells of her brother's struggles with writing a school report on birds. Their father responds by suggesting that his son begin by focusing on one bird at a time, "bird by bird." Do you have a divorce and faith story burning inside of you but you don't consider yourself a writer and you don't know where to start? I've been encouraging those of you who have stories of divorce and faith, to share them here. Linda K. Thomas has beautifully explained why we would want to do so in this compelling meme she created for her blog, Spiritual Memoirs 101. Beginning is the most important step. Send me a brief outline of your divorce and faith experience. If I find it appropriate for this blog, I will help you shape it into a small essay to be shared here. Once you've accomplished that, you could be on your way to writing a memoir. But lets' not get ahead of ourselves. Think bird by bird. Blessings,  Do you have a divorce experience to share? Have you been shamed by a church because of your divorce? There are hurting people who need to hear your story, who need to know they are not alone, and who need to be encouraged. If you are interested in sharing your story, email Linda for guidelines: Linda@LindaMKurth.com AuthorLinda M. Kurth is a writer and a divorced and remarried Christian. In going through the divorce, she experienced a dichotomy of responses from the Christian community. After sharing some of those experiences in her upcoming memoir, God, the Devil, and Divorce, she's heard many stories of divorced Christians who have struggled with the same issue. This blog invites divorced Christians to tell their stories with the goal of encouraging churches to resist condemnation and become a source of healing and grace.  Mentor Texts and How I Finished the Memoir In writing my memoir, God, the Devil, and Divorce, I encountered many road blocks. Parts 1 and 2 tell of the beginning and middle of my journey. This final part tells of how I finally reached my goal of finishing. Reading craft books can get old, so I decided to study well-received divorce memoirs. They became my “mentor texts.” I made a list of elements to study in each: structure, self-reflection, back story, and character development. I identified back story and self-reflection as my biggest challenges, so paid particular attention to how other memoirists handled those. I began looking for a professional editor. After another major rewrite, I began looking for a different professional editor. I read a post that suggested a writer could ask for a sample edit before deciding if the editor would be a good fit. I did just that and found someone wonderful. She gave me as many “at-a-girls” as suggestions for improvement. Of course, this called for another revision.  Mentor Texts I’ve finally “finished” the 60,000 word memoir. What now? Since I want my memoir published by a traditional publisher, now would seem to be a time to look for an agent. I’ve learned there are three major elements that attract an agent and/or publisher: a good concept and title, a well-written manuscript, and a substantial email list. Why an email list you may ask. These days, publishers don’t like to take risks on unknown authors, particularly memoir authors. An email list shows the publisher there is an audience for the writer’s work. Most email lists these days are built by subscriptions to the writer’s blog. Before I begin to look for an agent who will then begin to look for a publisher, I need to be attracting for subscribers for my blog. Finding blog subscribers means I need compelling content. Finding subscribers means I need compelling content. Since I feel called to contribute to the conversation among Christians about how God views divorce, the blog is a natural vehicle for conversation on this topic. I’m inviting Christians to contribute their own stories of judgement or support from their churches while going through a divorce. I also discuss healthy ways of recovering from divorce. As word gets out, my email list will naturally grow. Does all this mean I’m done with revisions? Not at all. Once I find an agent, he or she will likely suggest some revision. And once that agent finds a publisher, in all likelihood, I will be asked for a final revision and a proofreading. Only then, when my book is on its way to the printer, will I be finished with revisions. Just so you know, not all memoirs have to be as tough to write as mine. If you feel to compelled to write your own, I say, go for it! Blessings,   In Part One of this thread, I describe my beginning struggles in writing my memoir, God, the Devil, and Divorce: A Transformative Journey out of Emotional and Spiritual Abuse. After a harsh and expensive critique, my work on it came to a standstill. Three years passed before I was able to tackle the memoir again. But I had been reading other memoirs. I began to understand that this genre is more like fiction, with characters and scenes, and is often arranged around themes rather than chronological events. I needed a major rewrite. I’d joined a memoir writing group on LinkedIn and remained friends with one of the members. I became one of his beta readers, that is, someone who reads the entire manuscript and gives one’s feedback. In turn, he became a mentor, assigning the following books to study: The Art of Memoir by Mary Karr, The Plot Whisperer by Martha Alderson, The Writer’s Journey by Christopher Vogler, Super Structure by James Scott Bell, Wired for Story by Lisa Cron, and The 90-Day Novel (I laughed at that title, as I imagined the kind of memoir I would have written in 90 days.), by Alan Watt. I studied them diligently, highlighting passages and tagging pages. I learned from Bell that I’m a panster — someone who writes as the words come, not knowing exactly where the story is heading or how it is ending — and I need to be more of a plotter.  Inspired by The Plot Whisperer, I created a timeline of sticky notes on the wall of my office and set about restructuring my story once again. I turned narrative into scenes using dialog and setting, and put a Care Package (my loyal dog who follows me about the house I’m reluctantly leaving) in the first page as Bell suggests. Following that rewrite, I had the first twelve chapters critiqued by four beta readers. Three of them found my story well-written and gave a few minor suggestions, but my mentor didn’t like most of it. His words were tough and difficult to hear. I didn’t agree with his take on my structure, but I feared he might be right about one point: I wrote too much about bitterness and heartache, and didn’t include enough self-reflection. Ouch! My mentor's words were tough and difficult to hear. To be continued.
 In The Art of Memoir, Mary Karr notes that divorce memoirs are the most difficult form to write. Why would anyone, myself included, choose to spend a good chunk of her writing life working on one? Friends asked, ”Why revisit all that heartache?” They warned me to think of the backlash I might receive because of the controversial subject of a “Christian divorce.” There are two main reasons we write memoir. One is to share with our family, as a kind of legacy. The other is to get it out into the world, either to amuse or enlighten. Personally, I feel called to contribute to the conversation among Christians about how God views divorce. I want to show how the Lord took care of me in my darkest hours despite the verbal stones some Christians threw at me, judging my decision to leave my Christian husband of twenty-five years due to emotional abuse. Since then, I’ve learned there are many divorced Christians who’ve experienced the pain of being rejected by their churches because of divorce, and I believe this is a topic many churches have yet to address. I hope to promote the healing of divorced people within the church. I had little understanding of what a memoir entailed. Although I’d been a writer for some time, I had little understanding of what a memoir entailed. My first thought was to choose the most important moments from the journals I’d kept during the last ten years of my marriage. I transcribed most everything into Word documents, and then began writing my story chronologically. I continued working on it off and on over the next few years. I eventually found a good critique group who hung in there through every difficult chapter until I finally reached the end, having revised after every critique meeting. Even though I did not agree with everything my critiquers said, their different perspectives opened my mind to different, and often better, ways of description or phrasing.  It was time to send my masterpiece to an editor. I found someone I thought might be a good fit and paid her a hefty sum up front, but I felt punched in the gut when I received her critique. It seemed to be all about what I’d done wrong and not much about what I’d done well. It stopped me cold. Three years passed before I was able to tackle the memoir again. But I had been reading other memoirs. I began to understand that this genre is more like fiction, with characters and scenes, and is often arranged around themes rather than chronological events. I needed a major rewrite.
As I blogged earlier, I received three requests for submission of the memoir from people I met at the Colorado Christian Writers Conference. One response came two weeks ago. The agent was not interested, citing, among other things, that I did not have a strong platform.
If you are a writer, I would hazard a guess that you've wrestled with finding titles for some of your work. As a reader, you've probably been intrigued by more than a few titles that led you to reading the books. Titles draw potential readers in, and those readers include agents and editors. I believe a certain magic happens when a writer discovers the perfect title for her work. I'll never forget the moment the right title for my romance novel revealed itself. I was driving from my home in Bend to my parents' home in Tigard, Oregon. I'd crossed the Cascade mountains and was cruising up I-5. Words were swirling in my head as I thought about what I wanted the title to convey. Something about "home" I thought. And there it was: Home of the Heart. Perfect!
I came to attend this year's Colorado Christian Writer's Conference which is going on up the mountain without me.
I'd flown in Wednesday afternoon from my home in Washington State. I'm not used to traveling on my own and was a little nervous. That, and the change in altitude brought on a debilitating neck spasm, so after registering, I checked into the resort condo and went straight to bed, missing the opening session. By morning, I was recovered, but woke up to snow. I bravely drove to the conference's remote location and was able to spend much of the day there. I was surprised when the workshop leader of "How to Market Your Message Without Selling Your Soul" began by discussing Satan's attempts to discourage us. "There will be spiritual attacks," she said. "Ah, the neck spasm," I thought. Now I'm wondering about the snow. Even more snow is predicted to fall tomorrow, and I will miss a full day at the conference. But I know if God wants my memoir published, He will find a way. In the meantime, I experienced a heart-warming conversation with the clerk at the resort here. As she gave me hot chocolate packets to satisfy my cravings, I told her why I was here and the title of the memoir. "I love it! Tell me more." she urged. I shared with her some of what God has done for me. "Your story gives me hope," she said. I'll tell you more about my experience at the conference in my next post. Blessings, Linda Today I received a gift of assurance.
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