Deep Wounds: Divorce, the Church, and God

Deep Wounds Remain by ECG

I’m in a good place, and reliving it as I put it into writing, opens deep wounds I don’t want to open right now. I can simply say this; there was not a good response from the church.  [This was her husband’s church.]

Even with counseling from the pastor, I was put into a
worse category than the one who was deep into infidelity.​

I was told a woman should forgive and ignore the behaviors. Here's a quote I will never forget from the pastor about me: "You need to be cautious with her. She's damaged. If you explain more of the incidents that happened, she will become more fragile." Instead of dealing with what happened and how to move forward, I was labeled "damaged."

It was suggested I confess before the church for any part I might have had in leading to my husband’s wanderings. He wasn’t asked to acknowledge his wrong doings, and he didn’t volunteer.

Our relationship issues were none of the church’s business. It was between us and God and our pastor for spiritual guidance and mediation. However, once counseling started, I was completely ostracized by the other women in the church — as if things that were said in counseling were shared. When they did talk to me, they were "kind, and concerned," quoting Proverbs 31 and suggesting I needed to be like that Proverbs woman. They insinuated that I hadn’t been, and that was why he strayed. I was the problem. Not because he had an addiction to sex or whatever you want to put as a label.

---

She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: “Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.” Proverbs 31:25 – 29

When I left the church, not a single person called or even reached out to me. I washed my hands of them. Knowing that the spirit of God wasn't leading their judgment against me made leaving easier.

​Linda's note: I've been told that the writer is remarried and presently in a good church I am so grateful for all who have contributed their stories. If you have friends who have their own stories of divorce and the church, I hope you'll let information below. Let them know about the possibility of contributing as guest blogger.

Do you have a divorce experience to share? Have you been shamed by a church because of your divorce? There are hurting people who need to hear your story, who need to know they are not alone, and who need to be encouraged. If you are interested in sharing your story, email Linda for guidelines: Linda@LindaMKurth.com

Blessings,
Linda