Between admiring my brother’s new home in Central Oregon, taking a couple of hikes, sharing meals, and catching up with the news of each other’s kids, we reminisced about our childhood.
My brother and I had good parents who loved us deeply, and we’d returned that love. However, all was not harmonious between me and my dad. I had an independent spirit, and often bristled when Dad tried to tell me how I should do things. “I can do it myself!” was my ready retort. I intuitively felt his “helping” meant I wasn’t capable, but I didn't have the language to understand or articulate the problem.
Dad had difficulty dealing with my attitude.
Dad had difficulty dealing with my attitude. My brother didn’t seem to have the same issue as I, and I saw that as a sign I was deficient. I was surprised when my brother brought up the subject of Dad’s “helpfulness” during my visit. “Dad got under my skin too,” he told me. He described a particular time he’d rather heatedly asked our father to back off with his advice. Dad’s feelings were hurt because he genuinely believed he’d been helping.
I’m giving my younger self a hug and a “you-go-girl” for my desire to learn and grow in my own way.
Learning, after all these years, I was not alone in my “sensitivity” to Dad’s suggestions, was an eye-opener. I see now I’ve always had an innate sense of independence that might have served me better if I’d been taught to understand and use it effectively. Thanks to this new perspective, I’m giving my younger self a hug and a “you-go-girl” for my desire to learn and grow in my own way.
The genealogical sleuthing paid off.
The genealogical sleuthing paid off too. My cousins and I were able to find and drive through the parcel where our Oregon Trail ancestors had settled. Learning about the people I’ve come from gives me a solid feeling of belonging.
There’s more to tell, but I think I’ll stop here. I want to get back to finishing up the memoir and getting it published.
By the way, I’ve recently published the revised version of my romance, Home of the Heart. Finding the home of one’s heart is pretty much the theme of everything I write. I suspect that’s what most of us long for. I hope you’ve found yours.
Linda M. Kurth is a writer and a divorced and remarried Christian. In going through the divorce, she experienced a dichotomy of responses from the Christian community. After sharing some of those experiences in her upcoming memoir, God, the Devil, and Divorce, she's heard many stories of divorced Christians who have struggled with the same issues. This blog invites divorced Christians to tell their stories with the goal of encouraging churches to resist condemnation and become a source of healing and grace.
Do you have a divorce experience to share? Have you been shamed by a church because of your divorce? Or encouraged? There are hurting people who would like to hear your story, who need to know they are not alone, and who need to be encouraged. If you are interested in sharing your story, email Linda for guidelines: Linda@LindaMKurth.com
Free Resource Downloads
12 Steps to a More Joyful Life after Divorce
30 Things to Do When You're Single
Resources for Healing from Spiritual Abuse
50 Divorce Recovery Books and Blogs
As long as you are hiding from your pain, you're hiding from helping other people.
Kari Oberbrunner - Author, speaker, coach.
If you're interested in sharing your story of divorce and the response of other Christians, email Linda at Linda@LindaMKurth.com for guidelines.
Release date: March 2021