I receive letters from newly divorced readers of my blog worried that they might never find true love. I tell them I understand their fears. I’ve been where they are now. Back then I’d dreamt of a third chance at love and a satisfying marriage. But what were the odds of me finding someone at my age?
“God doesn’t operate by numbers and percentages,” a friend reminded me as I worked on recovering from the demise of my twenty-five-year marriage — the one that was supposed to last the rest of my life. Here I was, 55 years old and trying to figure out my life.
I knew I needed healing and self-discovery before considering dating again.
I knew I needed healing and self-discovery before considering dating again. After going through counseling and “graduating” from several months of a divorce recovery class, I decided to branch out in new ways, including ballroom dancing. I began taking lessons and had the first genuine laugh I’d experienced since the divorce. I discovered I had a natural talent in that area, and it became a vehicle for interacting with men in a safe environment.
I made new friends through a singles group at church, and I purchased my own home. I decided to build a career for myself and went back to school. It had been years since I’d pursued academics, and those first classes were a challenge. Conquering them, though, increased my self-confidence.
When I felt ready to date, it was simply for male companionship. I made a vow to remain celibate until the right man came along and we married even though that meant I might be celibate for the rest of my life. Most dates weren’t too happy that I wasn’t into having sex with them, but this decision protected me from making choices based solely on emotion and physical attraction.
As I became more serious about finding someone special, I wrote down thirty — THIRTY! — characteristics in a man I’d want as a husband. I told the Lord I was in no hurry, and please, “don’t give me any substitutes.” Then, one evening, I met a guy who seemed nice enough, although his dancing skills weren’t up to my level. He soon fixed that by taking lessons. We talked frankly about ourselves and our beliefs, and I made him take personality tests! After earning the seal of approval from our church counselors, we were married six months later. He is the love of my life.
My recovery took time and had its setbacks.
My recovery took time and had its setbacks, but I made progress. To sum up, here are the actions and decisions I made that brought me to my current state of “married bliss.”
Writing about our courtship was my favorite piece of completing my memoir, God, the Devil, and Divorce. If you’re wondering if you’ll ever find love again, I hope that by knowing my journey, you might be encouraged.
Linda M. Kurth is a writer and a divorced and remarried Christian. She is the author of God, the Devil, and Divorce: A Transformative Journey out of Emotional and Physical Abuse, available in paperback and as an eBook.
Do you have a divorce experience to share? Have you been shamed by a church because of your divorce? There are hurting people who need to hear your story, who need to know they are not alone, and who need to be encouraged. This blog invites divorced Christians to tell their stories with the goal of encouraging churches to resist condemnation and become a source of healing and grace. If you are interested in sharing your story, email Linda for guidelines: Linda@LindaMKurth.com
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