Solutions for Celebrating Christmas with Adult Blended Families

If you and your spouse are part of an adult blended family, you may identify with the challenges my husband Bill and I faced when trying to bring everyone together for holidays like Thanksgiving and Christmas.

A Twice-Blended Family
When Bill and I married, both for the third time,  he had two adult children by his first wife and two adult children by his second wife and several grand-children.  My adult son and I became part of what I call a "twice-blended family."

Our Thanksmas dinner table

​A Real-Life Story Problem
​I didn't realize that by marrying my mathematics teacher husband, I would be faced with a real-life story problem. Bill and I love to entertain, and greatly enjoy when our kids and grandkids come to visit. But our house is not the only choice they have for holiday gatherings.

​Here's the problem: Bill's children are in their first marriages to spouses who did not come from blended families. That produces three places for each of these family units to be on Thanksgiving or Christmas or other special holiday. Since my son is not married and has no children or ex-in-laws, he has two options for those holidays. (I'm not going to include geographic locations in this equation, but that also has an impact.)

Bill and I didn’t want to make holiday attendance a popularity contest between us parents. How were our kids going to choose which celebration to attend? ​

Our Solution - Thanksmas
Our solution was to create a new tradition we call "Thanksmas". As you might guess, our gathering is between Thanksgiving and Christmas. The timing works for most everybody. Our kids appreciate not being put in a position of choosing between spending time with us or the other sets of parents. Our Thanksmas has proven a little more laid-back than the actual holidays. We’re all more relaxed, not having the pressure of measuring up to expectations of the “real” holidays.

However…
During our first Thanksmas, I discovered that, within our mix, we have several variations in food preferences and traditions. Frankly, I was flummoxed when my husband’s children’s tastes didn’t match some of my cooking. For example, we differed over how gravy should be made, and which is best (or worst!), mayonnaise or Miracle Whip.

An Additional Solution
Since I highly value our family's time together, I came up with a solution that works for all of us and might work for you, too. Rather than serve food at the dining table, I put it out on the kitchen counter buffet style so diners can pick and choose as they please. Although I try to accommodate everyone’s taste to a degree, the kids are aware of my usual dishes and know I will not be insulted if they choose to bring a dish or two more to their liking. The more food, the better.

All in all, our Thanksmas has been a success, because we all choose to make it so.

If you've experienced and resolved blended family holiday issues, I hope you'll share them with readers here in the comment section. ​

Do you have a divorce experience to share? Have you been shamed by a church because of your divorce? There are hurting people who need to hear your story, who need to know they are not alone, and who need to be encouraged. If you are interested in sharing your story, email Linda for guidelines: Linda@LindaMKurth.com

Author

Linda M. Kurth is a writer and a divorced and remarried Christian. In going through the divorce, she experienced a dichotomy of responses from the Christian community. After sharing some of those experiences in her upcoming memoir, God the Devil, and Divorce, she's heard many stories of divorced Christians who have struggled with the same issue. This blog invites divorced Christians to tell their stories with the goal of encouraging churches to resist condemnation and become a source of healing and grace.